Do other people think you’re slightly crazy when you talk to yourself? Do you find it odd when your own thoughts move from your mind to your mouth as you organize and categorize them?
The truth is that whether you say the words out loud or they remain as inner dialogue, everyone talks to themselves. And these monologues are not a sign that the crazy train has made a stop at our house; it’s actually a sign of intelligence. Talking to yourself organizes your thoughts, boosts brain power, trains memory and modulates our emotions.
Inner dialogue, consisting of your personal thoughts within your mind, those in a paper journal or list and in the digital age, those recorded on your smart device, are the daily reminder to take notes for your life. Your plans, hopes, dreams, goals and expectations develop detail and direction based your collective contemplation. There is a need to be aware of both positive and negative influences of that dialogue, and how to change our inner conversation to reflect better on our outer selves.
Four reasons why the way you address yourself matters:
- The decision to change: Going from “I should” or “I would” to “I can” or “I no longer…” takes daily practice. Many people are unwilling to have the tough conversation with themselves, admitting that the words “should” and “would” are the decision equivalent of sitting in the middle of the seesaw; you’re not going anywhere or gaining any advantage stuck in the middle. It’s comfortable not making a move, but you don’t learn and grow as a person without taking chances.
- Thoughts matched to actions: How you think reflects in your actions. If you tell yourself you’re incapable of running five kilometers, climbing a mountain, finishing the day’s office paperwork or driving long-distance to see Grandma, you’ll likely succeed in talking yourself out of those actions. Motivational inner dialogue works both ways:
- The brain believes what it’s told: We admit out loud that we are bad at certain things: arriving on time, quitting smoking, losing weight, finding our car keys. We say these things over and over, laugh and roll our eyes and acquiesce to the inevitable: that we cannot change. Said often enough, these self-truth statements become the only truths to our brain, and we don’t change because we don’t believe there is a way towards change.
- One rough patch, and it never gets better: We all run into tough times and deal with difficult situations where we find ourselves lacking control, out of our intellectual depth or just not feeling like a good fit. We tell ourselves that if it happened once, the problem is permanent. The contextual self-truth takes over: every time we find ourselves in this context, we remind ourselves how uncool we are forever and how we don’t belong in this place, ever.
How to really use your inside voice
Speak out loud to yourself, record it and play back: Listen to how you sound talking to yourself. Do you sound assertive, confident and decisive? Or are you scared, angry and uncertain? Do you sound like a leader of your own desires and destiny, or someone willing to float along until whatever might look promising pops up? Do you sound mean and petty when you address yourself, as if your own opinions don’t count, or do you consider your thoughts part of the perfect process you are?
Focus abilities, not limitations: Our liabilities and limitations are not the center of who we are. We make a lot of “If only…” statements, wishing we could change things, thinking if we could fix just one thing about ourselves, everything in our lives would be better. Often the one thing we would fix has been either a lifelong constant (“I wish I were thinner”) or completely abstract ideal (I wish I was funny”), so it’s unlikely to go anywhere. Ignore those aspects of yourself, and focus on what you can change.
Motivate yourself towards action, not away from it: Scientific studies show that along with training, motivation with inner affirmation goes a long way towards greater performance. The positive words and phrases are usually short, personal and repeated often, as a reminder than win, lose or draw, the goal is to keep moving forward and achieving positive results.